now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
