i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
