Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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