I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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