The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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