I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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