He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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