if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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