The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
