you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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