You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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