He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
