I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
