she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize