They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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