last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
