U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
