I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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