I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
