But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
