Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
