i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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