Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
soo... how was my night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
