Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
