He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
