Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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