I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
