no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
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Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Shame - the story of my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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