No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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