We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why didn't you poke me back
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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