why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
