how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
