I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
