Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
