i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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