I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
