Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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