I didn't shave. On purpose
I cockslap morals
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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