help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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