Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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