Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
