I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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