Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
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just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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