i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
