I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
