I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
