If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
this hospital has no fireball
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
