Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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