The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Watching her eat just hurts me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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