So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
