I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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