bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
