Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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