I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
