wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
