my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
