Sry I called you an 8
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
