Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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