I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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