if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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