'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
