My sheets look like a crime scene.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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