If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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