Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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