Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
