She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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