Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
