your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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