Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
