he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
