I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
