wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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