Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
