This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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