I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
