Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
