I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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