:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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