Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
